Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry has crept into my organization with all the jealousy and competition for attention that goes along with it. But I am sure it will not last long. I recognize that we are young and childish and such pettiness couldn’t possibly endure through our adolescent years. Therefore, I seek to dispense with the whole matter once and for all and move on to more important business. I have decided to let my readers cast their votes for who is the better sister. I will present the evidence in a fair and balanced way which promises to be as unbiased as Fox News.

First we'll deal with Naomi -- a shameless show-off.
To win votes, she relies on gimmicks and props like tiaras and fairy wings, hot pink cowboy boots and Hello Kitty panties. To her credit, she has her fans like Grandma who I suspect secretly coached her on cute dance moves. Of course, Grandma plies and grand jetes through the house all day, so maybe Naomi just picked it up on her own.


Naomi is running a smart race. Like a presidential candidate eating Philly cheese steaks on a campaign stop in the City of Brotherly Love, Naomi knows how to play to her audience. She shamelessly poses atop a horse with Grandpa even though she almost puked from fright when it took a step.

As a result, the photo shoot had to be moved for the picture with Grandma. If you look closely, you may notice that a fake horse was used.

Me, I tend to look inside and let my sweet, guileless personality shine through -- pure and unvarnished. I am endlessly enthusiastic and my jaw is constantly dropped in happy fascination of everything I see, no matter now minute. I pant like a dog when excited and constantly stick out my long, lizard-like tongue to express delight. To show voters they matter to me, I demand to be held during all waking moments.


Of course, I’m not relying solely on my inner brilliance to win this thing. My campaign manager has me courting seniors because they vote in record numbers. I’ve been out pressing the flesh and letting a lot of people kiss this baby.

I'm also paying close attention to the issues of biggest concern to the voters. According to recent polls, the electorate cares primarily about keeping their feet cool in the summer, no matter how silly they look doing it. Rest assured, when I choose a running mate, she will be qualified to address the foot issue, even if she is thoroughly inexperienced, scandal-ridden, and poorly vetted.

It is important to note that whether you vote for me or make the wrong choice this fall, my opponent and I are committed to working together to unite this organization and put an end to partisan cuteness.
Un beso,
Lainey